I think the hardest part of every one of the procedures we've been through since Will was diagnosed has been the waiting - the weeks we spend knowing we're going in on such-and-such a date, and we try to go on with our lives while the thing is hanging over our heads. We both have physical side-effects from the stress: insomnia, nausea, headaches.
We seem to take turns being anxious. We don't do that consciously, but it works out well for us, because we can each lean on the other one when it's our turn to feel scared. I hate that Will has to go through this, but at the same time I can't imagine enduring this with someone else, because Will and I are going through it TOGETHER every step of the way. The cancer has brought us even closer than before.
But that makes it even more frightening, because every day that passes I'm less capable than the day before of imagining how I could ever withstand loosing him if we don't somehow beat the terrifying odds against his recovery.